Two and a half cheers for Harvard

Ah, Harvard—the hallowed halls where the brightest American minds congregate to garner the fruits of “the best that has been thought and said in the world” (Matthew Arnold if you were wondering) and to push the limits of human knowledge. And now, after five long and fatuous years, they’ve finally decided that Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI) statements are no longer required for hiring. Hip, hip, hooray! Meanwhile, in the land of local schools and community colleges, we are still confronted with the task of penning entirely ersatz but seemingly heartfelt DEI statements, lest we be deemed unfit to mould the minds of tomorrow. Yes, even for the humble position of part-time janitor.

Picture this: A tweed-clad Harvard professor sits in his office, finally free from the mind-forged chains of DEI declarations. His only concern? How to help the next generation get to grips with Kantian metaphysics. Not an easy task, but at least he can do this without concern for modish inanities or factitious guilt over daring to teach the works of an undeniably dead, European male.   Contrast this with the plight of the community college hopeful. Imagine me, your humble servant, furiously typing away, trying to convince a panel that I have a genuine, burning passion for creating a culturally responsive, hugely inclusive and exceedingly diverse syllabus for a survey course in philosophy or Western literature. Why, you might ask? Because it’s apparently the key to securing that coveted adjunct position with a salary that barely covers an evening at the pub.

And it’s not just the academics. The custodial staff, too, must share their visions of an inclusive, equitable mop and bucket strategy. ‘What’s your DEI approach to cleaning the cafeteria?’—a question that could stump even the most seasoned of janitors.

In the grand scheme of things, one must wonder whether we are truly advancing education, or merely adding layers of bureaucracy that would make Franz Kafka proud? As Harvard returns to its primary responsibilities, perhaps it’s time for us, in the trenches of local education, to follow suit. Until then, I’ll be here, drafting my next DEI statement, ensuring it’s as inclusive as the campus recycling program.