A Fishy Story 

Believe it or not, but I do have a real, live, actual friend - his name is David.  Well, sometimes he is not my best friend; sometimes he is an enemy and a bit of an utter swine.  At these moments,  he takes especial joy in telling me how dull San Francisco is compared to London - he visited for about ten minutes a couple of decades ago - or how ugly it is compared to his  newish home town, the fantastically beautiful, Bath.

Well, I do my best to defend my adopted city and my newish home town, El Granada.  Bath is stunning, but it is not Florence, Bangkok or Bruges.  Bath does have nice galleries but we have the Legion of Honor, which has drawings by Sandro Botticelli and paintings by the weirdly delightful Bernardo Daddi (the Master of the Sneaky Eyes). 

Then there are things that never ever happen in Bath.  For example, driving along Highway One last night we noticed the sky darken ominously and looking up we saw that this was caused by thousands upon thousands of utterly demented pelicans.  Looking down as we passed Miramar, we saw a corresponding sinister darkness rising up from the depths of the sea.

Reaching for the rosary I always keep in the glove box along with a copy of the Bhagavad Gita and an antique Tibetan prayer wheel, I told Laura that this was almost certainly the apocalypse - the pelican is an ancient Christian symbol - and we had better start setting our messy affairs in order and get down to some serious praying.  She gave me one of her odd looks and told me that it was just an anchovy surge and that I should stop being hysterical.

Armageddon or fishy surge, we decided it best to watch possibly cosmic events unfold from the comfort of a comfortable chair in the most excellent Miramar Beach Restaurant.  Even if - as I strongly suspected - the dies irae was at hand, a couple of gins and tonic would make things feel a bit better.  I sent a text to David telling him that we had a grandstand view of the end of history and that you don’t get that in bloody Bath.

Well, it was just an anchovy surge.  Ever so slightly embarrassed, I decided to take massive revenge by eating each and every one of the little fishy sods.  We agreed that they were pretty tasty - especially served on well buttered toast with a spicy tomato sauce.   I sent yet another text to David telling him that we may not be witnessing the apocalypse as such, but Half Moon Bay had incomparably  better  anchovies than Bath.

Early on Saturday morning, we  set off on our anchovy hunt, but we were too late.  A bunch of Buddhist Monks had bought the entire catch for $1,000 and liberated the lot of them.  Now, you don’t get that in Bath or even London.