An Advisory Concerning Advisories

Our ‘smart’ alarm clocks and mobile phones seem to be conspiring to scare the very bejesus out of us.  These last few days, we were warned of dense fog and exceptionally hazardous beach conditions; as it transpired, the skies were a pure azure worthy of Tiepolo and we happily paddled at Surfers Beach with barely a ripple.  There are so many warnings that one becomes inured to the dangers and even a tad blasé.  Hurricanes, burning brimstone and rampant succubi are predicted?  A stout umbrella and an extra thick pair of long johns should be more than enough to do the trick.

Well, of course, I am being dreadfully unfair at the expense of our beleaguered if over-excitable meteorologists.  The weather is a quintessentially chaotic system at the best of times (I am speaking in the technical sense) and it is notoriously hard to predict what disasters are coming our way.  In the good old days, a butterfly flapping its wings over Africa was said to be capable of triggering a hurricane in London.  In today’s world of rapidly rising temperatures, a mildly flatulent slug cheerfully trotting about in the midst of the Gobi Desert could cause untold havoc on the Eastern Seaboard of the USA and the most hideous upsets in Pescadero.

“What does he know of Chaos theory?” you scoff.  Well, as it happens, rather more than you might expect.  You see, my wife has become more than slightly exasperated by the state of my messy study so she bought me “Chaos Theory for Beginners”.  This cunning plan may have backfired.  I have started to see Lorentzian strange attractors and pretty little butterflies in the piles of snuff and cigar ash on my desk and have decided to embrace chaos wholeheartedly.   If chaos is not your friend, it is an enemy truly to be feared.

A Fishy Story 

Believe it or not, but I do have a real, live, actual friend - his name is David.  Well, sometimes he is not my best friend; sometimes he is an enemy and a bit of an utter swine.  At these moments,  he takes especial joy in telling me how dull San Francisco is compared to London - he visited for about ten minutes a couple of decades ago - or how ugly it is compared to his  newish home town, the fantastically beautiful, Bath.

Well, I do my best to defend my adopted city and my newish home town, El Granada.  Bath is stunning, but it is not Florence, Bangkok or Bruges.  Bath does have nice galleries but we have the Legion of Honor, which has drawings by Sandro Botticelli and paintings by the weirdly delightful Bernardo Daddi (the Master of the Sneaky Eyes). 

Then there are things that never ever happen in Bath.  For example, driving along Highway One last night we noticed the sky darken ominously and looking up we saw that this was caused by thousands upon thousands of utterly demented pelicans.  Looking down as we passed Miramar, we saw a corresponding sinister darkness rising up from the depths of the sea.

Reaching for the rosary I always keep in the glove box along with a copy of the Bhagavad Gita and an antique Tibetan prayer wheel, I told Laura that this was almost certainly the apocalypse - the pelican is an ancient Christian symbol - and we had better start setting our messy affairs in order and get down to some serious praying.  She gave me one of her odd looks and told me that it was just an anchovy surge and that I should stop being hysterical.

Armageddon or fishy surge, we decided it best to watch possibly cosmic events unfold from the comfort of a comfortable chair in the most excellent Miramar Beach Restaurant.  Even if - as I strongly suspected - the dies irae was at hand, a couple of gins and tonic would make things feel a bit better.  I sent a text to David telling him that we had a grandstand view of the end of history and that you don’t get that in bloody Bath.

Well, it was just an anchovy surge.  Ever so slightly embarrassed, I decided to take massive revenge by eating each and every one of the little fishy sods.  We agreed that they were pretty tasty - especially served on well buttered toast with a spicy tomato sauce.   I sent yet another text to David telling him that we may not be witnessing the apocalypse as such, but Half Moon Bay had incomparably  better  anchovies than Bath.

Early on Saturday morning, we  set off on our anchovy hunt, but we were too late.  A bunch of Buddhist Monks had bought the entire catch for $1,000 and liberated the lot of them.  Now, you don’t get that in Bath or even London.

Teacher Unappreciation Week - Part 3: Why do you stay?

The above question appeared in a post I wrote about teaching. If you, gentle readers, don’t entirely mind I’ll create a new one based on it.

It is an interesting question, which lends itself to many interpretations. For example, We could go down a philosophical path and wax lyrical on what Heidegger calls ‘thrownness' or about Camus and The Myth of Sisyphus.  However,  I have a hunch that this is not what is intended and I have more than a hunch that I will be the victim of domestic violence if I get ‘all professorial’.  The question  is not so much about wielding bare bodkins, but  more on the lines of “Why would any teacher remain in such an underpaid, grueling and unappreciated profession?” 

Why do teachers stay? Aside from the fact that many don’t (there is a high attrition rate), many of us actually quite like children and enjoy trying to foster their intellectual and even moral development.  Then there are the friendships you make along the way with fellow teachers, parents and other colleagues. Note: I don’t mention love of subject as time and sheer exhaustion generally precludes research and deep reading.

That being said, the hours are long, the pay atrocious and not all students are bundles of utter delight.

Why do you stay?  Well, one answer might be the fact that teachers make a large financial sacrifice to get their jobs. After years of study, there is a natural reluctance to chuck the entire thing in. Sure, some do overcome this inertia and escape into far better paid jobs in, say, human resources or programming but these are the exceptions.      

Another reason why we stay might be exhaustion.  I always think of Orwell’s Down and Out in Paris and London in this connection.  He was talking about employees performing menial jobs in restaurants, but much the same applies to teachers. Low paid and exploited workers just don’t have the energy to up sticks and start all over again. This is totally unlike the case of tech workers, who feel no compunction about pursuing ever higher salaries.

Then there is something that almost constitutes brainwashing.  We are constantly being told it is our duty to work inhuman hours and - even - to take on tasks that are time consuming, unpaid and unrelated to teaching per se.  We are inundated with paperwork and supervisory tasks … and it is the ‘expectation’ - a loathsome word -  that these will be done even though this means that marking and lesson preparation is relegated to weekends or the wee small hours.  It is expected that a teacher’s free time is entirely disposable and teachers, themselves, expendable. Most fall for this line out of fear for their jobs and performance evaluations and are too shattered and far too timorous  to cast off the mind forged manacles, the rope of sand.    

Teachers need the help of others as they are largely too bone-weary to look after their own interests.  This is not charity, but in the interests of your children and society.  Way back in 1987 Allan Bloom wrote The Closing of the American Mind.  This was to do with the decline in university education but it applies to all teaching.  The door is almost closed, but there may be just a chink of light left.  Please, please give it a good shove and while you are at it certain district offices and offices of education could do with a good kicking. Teachers need to be better paid, less overworked and far more respected.